What has become my today!

Threading my path, down the now known walkway, I think about yesterday. Nothing of this was there, there are no connection, but there is some kind of symbolism. There is still that emptiness, yearning, regret~~ and me!!

Somehow amidst all the chaos that engulfs me, there is this void. Dont know where it comes from but something too obvious for me to dismiss as mindless rambling. My feelings seem to have lost its soul. The essence is lost in this search...

what has become of my today is nothing of what I had imagined it to be. I really wonder when my tryst with life is going to attain its finale!! How i got here, I dont know. Why, maybe its just me to be blamed..

Being cryptic is an art I have mastered to an extent I dont know how else to be. Like future is enough for me to wonder over, now I have today to wonder about. It right when someone said, at times in life your chase for success gets the better of you and when you want to turn back and wish for your past to tag along, its only roadblocks I see behind me. Spending years creating this blockade, now I have forgotten the return path~~~

Is it really as bad as this piece makes it seem.. maybe not.. or maybe having said all this and more.. I again go back to living in denial.. and this part of me lives happily ever after!!!

Romeo save me!

I am a self acclaimed romantic.. I see romance in the air.. the flowers.. the sky even the cup of coffee I drink every morning.. a believer of eternal love.. in the quest to find one for herself.. hopelessly in love without any expectations.. which is a first.. Wondering every hour is she will ever be loved back?

Not meaning to be overtly dramatic here but with time the want to be wanted overshadows every other feeling thats there. The sense of belonging overcasts basis sensibility. Its like the race in which getting ahead of yourself only brings more dejection.

I thought it was a broken heart but eventually learnt that its nothing but a heart that yearns for better and more. a lot more.

My girlfriends might get annoyed listening to that one name for years together, consoling me through those nights, have be reject perfect guy for they are not him. Just a stupid girl waiting to be wanted, in the smallest of ways, acknowledged for all that has been there and not belittle how she feels.

For how may years can she be expected to strong about it all... And when she snaps.. She is a traitor!!

Of times when they were!!

A scared soul, a cynic and jelly beans...That describes the party which left one morning to this place which has acclaimed as the retired souls destination.. What were we are running away from?? The love which was gone??
After a lot of singing along, eyeing every driver we crossed paths with (women today arent as innocent as they were known to be) , a lot of pictures taken, twist and turns, family reunion, laughter, we took a little detour and found ourselves at the buddhist monastery which was one of a kind..Guess god had a plan for the troubled souls...and after inhaling the calms air that surrounded us and a lotta nicotine, we decided to get back to where we were to go...COORG!!
The city seemed to move at its own pace, every person seemed to survive just fine without the Guccis' and Gabbanas' of the world... And still smile as though they had it all..Dint take long to figure why though!!

12:05 am!!

At a point in time when yesterday is over and tomorrow is here.... I wonder what this moment holds for us...The purpose!!!
I was asked the other day if i knew what the purpose of my existence was...and with all the futile thoughts that surround me...this question never occured to me..
Do people know what the purpose of their existence is? Do people cheat themselves into believing that they know it all... at this moment I would be estatic to just know what my today holds.. If by the end of the day I feel that the purpose of my existence is fulfilled!! Again am i stopping myself from looking at the bigger picture and just being contended with the everyday existence.. is the drive within me dead!!

Punch bag!!

I am sure the title suggests what I have on my mind..but a little clarification there..I aint intending on treating this spot as a punch bag but explain how a punch bag must be truely feeling having been there myself more often than not..
The phone rings and struggling with myself, I take the call..Some trivial issue on the other line that could have waited till the next morning..I am inthe middle of something important and voila..I am taken to a corner where no one can hear no one..and there.. another of those SOB stories..I mean I am happy that people think they can confide in me..But there is a time and place everything..
There are days when all of us dont feel at our best. We want to just keep to ourselves. Not bother anyone or be bothered. Like people will let that happen. They will dig till u start to talk and just then snub to to talk about how on that one note their life is so much better..Yeah hearing about that really will cheer me up..People should try and be a little more sensitive at times...Would be appreciated!!!
So thats how it feels like being the agony aunt all the time...I think this post could be named the chronicles of an agony aunt..

Reminiscing

I walk into a place where everything looks alien..people speak a different language, have different believes..cant relate to the world they live in..cant expect them to understand what i have been through..My first day in Christ college.Met two people in college who made life lot easier for me..kept the faith alive.. yet the world dint look as beautiful as i expected it to be..again these were the days which made me rethink my past actions and respect what i had..and now felt were the better times..My first year in college....Time just went by..without me realising and here i was with a bunch of people who i could count on at any given hour..a shoulder to lean on..faces that said that they would always back me up through everything, and indeed did live upto it. In the meanwhile, being the lost soul that i am i still felt lost amidst the crowd for some odd reason. My second year in college.Senior most in the college. Looking for those familiar faces which had suddenly disappeared. learnt to get use to the new ways. Recognised individuals which were mere nobody to me earlier. Long conversations, squeals of laughter which filled my everyday. made me believe that every moment of existence was indeed a blessing. My last few days with people who matter the most.and today when i have got what i looked for all my life.. a smile which could make my day .. lunches which revolved around the most atrocious of discussions..its time we all move on..And here i am walking out the same corridor with a sense of belonging..taking with me three most precious years of my life...a place which saw me grow into wat i now call "myself". people who have seen me through tears and smiles......

Just me!!

I guess its just me at times or wateva it is..I tend to take things seriously when they aint directed in that manner..and missed out the point more often than not.. I wannna write down whats on my mind at the moment but having said that..there aint a thing I can come up wit hehe...Yeah I have lost it..Whats new!!!
I think all my life being the best at what i have done has instilled this belief that i can never do no wrong. And that is one thing that pulls me down more often than not. I am probably one of those sore losers who cant except defeat at any point, I hate being looked down upon, I hate it when people are condescending, I hate when i maky any mistake.. I loathe it when I am not perfect!!
So yeah just from where I started this, in my head, I can do no wrong.